Dear Wal-Mart,

      Where to begin? You have always been there for 
 me when I have needed you. You were there when I ran out of Cocoa Puffs that one time, you were there when I remembered that history project at 2 am which was due just hours away, you were there when I needed to pick up that last-minute gift for that friend who I don't really know that well but who invited me to their party anyway. You always have lots of those neon Pilot pens I love so much, and also the multi-colored mini-Sharpies that I love to color with. You always have those big spiral notebooks whose pages I fill with my mindless scribbles and rambles. Your sliding doors will always open for me whenever I have nothing better to do than to wander aimlessly around your ever-changing aisles, and your greeters always make me feel better about myself because, as shitty as my life may seem at times, at least I'm not 80 years old and still greeting people in a Wal-Mart.

      Wal-Mart, your cheap-as-dirt prices always make me happy. Also, the fact that you sell those Peachie-O's always brings me a smile when I'm having a bad day. Your cheaper, not-quite-as-good-but-mostly-the-same versions of popular items please my finances. Also, you sell my favorite moisturizer, and so you keep my face healthy and happy. What would I do without you, Wal-Mart?

      But why, Wal-Mart, why are you monopolizing so many industries? Isn't it enough for you to just be the best supermarket there is? Why do you have to have restaurants, nail salons, barber shops, photography studios, opthamologist's offices, even veteranarian's offices inside of you? Next thing I know, you'll be marketing the serives of your own law offices or your own line of airports. You're evolving into a monster, Wal-Mart, but you keep influencing me to buy from you with your ever-lower prices and your convenient locations. Oh why must you be so irresistable to the general population!

      Now Wal-Mart, I realize that you provide jobs for thousands upon thousands of people, and I appreciate that, but you need to calm down. Everything is not all about the money; it's about the people. What would Sam Walton say if he could see you now?


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